Ask An Omani! This week, "what's with the creepy teenage boys hanging around playgrounds and leering at Expat women? And what should they do?

Yes folks, another question for "Ask an Omani!"... thanks to our resident Omani expert, Omani Dreamer. This week, those annoying and rude Omani teenage boys who hang out at parks.

Why do these young men late teens/early 20s, hang around children's playgrounds intimidating and taking photos of the women, esp. any Western women (dressed very conservatively)? And what would you advise them to do to stop them doing it, as it is so disrespectful and, well, creepy.

Expat Moms and Teenage Boys at the Playground

Lets say you decided to take your children to Al Qurum park, Al Riyam park, or the beach playground and were faced with the following:

You spot three teenage boys, who are definitely too old to be in the playground, approaching your zone because they just "have" to play in the swings, slide down the slippery slide, or struggle to hang on the monkey bars with your kids. Never forget the stares and the giggling followed by the tossing of a few inappropriate words (with limited English capabilities).

At this stage, you (expat mom) feel very uncomfortable, but try to ignore them. But teenage boys with lots of hormones just need that extra excitement, which is when you will start hearing the "SNAP"…giggle…giggle.. "SNAP"… more giggle… giggle… and… "We ..You... Picture"… giggle .. giggle..

Well, sorry moms. I know you are wondering "WHY!?" in agony thinking that there is a logical reason for this behavior beyond the regular "sexual frustration", but unfortunately, it is just that! .. ohh, seeing white flesh (no matter how minimal) adds to that excitement!.. Rare is always extra special!

But never give up! As, I, Reality, have a solution that will end your misery! It is simple, easy, and available to all expat moms!

Put on a serious face.. (just like this .. 0_0! .. wide eyes and pissed) and look directly at them. Take out your cell phone.. (slowly for dramatic effects) and

SNAP SNAP … (make sure your phone is not on silence) make a phone call.. and utter the word .. POLICE.. (be loud and confident.. just like Denzel Washington, and you can say pawlece too for extra special effects) ….

The result?! … the dishdasha held up to the knees and skinny legs flying everywhere... "RUN RUN"…

Feature: Ask an Omani! This week, Foreigners...

In our semi-regular feature here at Muscat Confidential, "Ask an Omani", courtesy of blogger Omani Dreamer. This week's question:

"What do Omanis find most annoying about foreigners?"

Now, I would love to say that you guys are just perfect expats in Oman for the sake of looking good, but that would be a lie. Nevertheless, it took me a while to think of the most annoying thing Omanis, in general, find in foreigners.

So, when it came down to it, I had to think hard.

I mean, yes, to many of us it is annoying to see foreigners half naked in the beaches, or foreigners showing a lot of affection to their significant others in public. Even those with tattoos (crosses, satanic tattoos, or just tattoos) showing on their arms and backs are many times annoying. Some Omani women become annoyed when they see their Omani guys hanging out with gorgeous female foreigners. Yes, annoyed though some are jealous too.

But many don't care about any of the above.. We are all glad that you guys are here and spending money!

So, when do you see all Omanis agree and grunt at all foreigners? It is when foreigners are earning more money than their equal Omani co-workers solely based on them being foreigners. I remember someone was telling me about his experience. This Omani guy had 20 years of experience in some field; he had a PhD from one of the best Universities in the world. He knew more people and visited so many places in his field that you would lose counting. He was hired by the government, a good job nevertheless and with huge responsibilities. However, this government agency hired a couple of foreigners with inferior experiences and qualifications, but offered them three times more income!

So, foreigners are annoying in Oman when the country and companies make them seem better than the hard working Omani.

Photo: Omani money is a big draw for expats, and they usually earn more than an equally skilled Omani

Thanks Dreamer. I know it must seem unfair when expats earn more. Partially that can be explained by several factors I think. There may not be enough Omani with suitable experience and qualifications, and the extra expats (especially Western Expats) will need more money to come here and work than an Omani. Plus they are generally expected to work a little harder (no funerals/weddings/eid part-time, etc), and they may leaven the local staff by bringing some outside experience very few Omanis have, for example. Plus, remember expats here tend to get less money than in, say, the UAE or Kuwait, Qatar etc because Oman is seen as being a nicer place to live.

And of course, the blue suited foreigners get a lot less than an equivalently skilled Omani worker...

But a good honest answer.

Please email any burning questions to undercover(dot)dragon(at)gmail(dot)com !!

Ask an Omani - Arranged Marriages

Yes readers, its time for another edition of our popular 'Ask an Omani' segment. This week, arranged marriage.


Do you think its OK to have your marriage totally arranged? How big a % of Omani marriages do you think are effectively arranged?

Arranged Marriages?

In general, an arranged marriage in Oman (mostly towns around Muscat) is not as bad as it sounds. When the guy proposes to a girl (whether it's because he saw her and liked her, or his female relatives suggested her to him), he gets to see her before the engagement. They see each other and talk. Many end up texting or calling each other.

During this time (which can take a week or months), both of them have the opportunity to decide whether they want to be together or not. However, there are two types of arranged marriages. One is a fake-arranged marriage, and the other is, well, an arranged marriage. The fake one is where the two have a secret relationship, but keep their parents out of it. This way the father will "always" be proud that he married his daughter off in a pure arranged marriage!

Think of it like this: in the West, some of you have moms and dads that like to introduce suitable partners (like match-making). Some of you hate it, and others don’t mind it! It's the same idea, but we have protocol to follow or else….gossip!

I think these two types of arranged marriages are acceptable, and they usually are successful. However, I do not think it is "suitable" anymore to have a pure arranged marriage where the two never see or talk to each other until their wedding night. I know many girls that struggle, and I think that it has a lesser success rate. This type of arranged marriages is mostly common in Northern and Southern parts of Oman

.

Thanks Dreamer!

And readers, don't forget to email your questions to undercover(dot)dragon(at)gmail(dot)com

Ask an Omani - The dating scene. Power cuts and homeless labourers.

Sorry for the lull dear readers, I had to take a business trip to London, via Switzerland naturally. Its good to be back. Interesting to see the power cuts in MQ & Shatti occuring regularly of late. Oman may be tendering for more power stations and foreign investment in the power sector, but as electricity is highly subsidised here, I'm curious who is going to pay the market price for that power and give the investors a reasonable return?

Lots of interesting stories in my in box, and I'll give you updates on several running stories later this week. There was a nice story in the UAE National about Homeless labourers in Oman too.

Number of homeless in Oman soars amid economic crunch
...“This is not the only homeless group living by a crust of bread and water,” he said. “They are everywhere in the country. Some absconded after their visas expired and some have entered the country illegally.”

They live in abandoned houses, construction sites, rooftops of commercial buildings, car parks of shopping malls and even behind rubbish bins.
...

But meanwhile, here's the latest installment of 'Ask an Omani' by our fantastic guest Omani - Omani Dreamer. Don't forget to email me your questions on local aspects of life and culture.

This weeks question: How is the dating scene amongst single young Omanis?



Anyone who has had single female friends come to visit (or an expat teenage daughter) knows it doesn't take long for the local lads to appear, eager to help them find their way around town and naturally, looking to hook up. But there's a lot of action in the local scene too.

Dating scene in Oman

Many wonder about the dating scene in Oman between our younger generation. Well, about 60% of the dating happens in Universities and Colleges! Many of the students that attend these colleges come from conservative families. However, in any case, there is a pattern that you will notice happening on the dating scene.

Guys:
Some guys come to the college and have never seen uncovered girls (not wearing face cover, or the head scarf). Being sexually suppressed, they start to spot a potential victim. The whole thing begins with them trying to be nice and funny (sometimes the scene is just sad! But some girls still manage to giggle!). After they get the signs of OKAY, which are usually indicated through smiles and giggles, they start by asking help in assignments. Then, the guy starts telling the girl that she is different the rest and that he feels sooooooo comfortable around her…. Etc (you get the point).

Girls:
Well, I must say that girl’s transformation is the most predictable of all. A girl comes to college and finds many boys that she is not used to seeing. Coming from a conservative family, she “rejects” the idea of even talking to a guy. She gives her “stares” of disapproval and gossips with her “similar mentality” friends about those “sluts” that talk with guys. Now, of course these girls would brag about how they are better than those “sluts” and that they are the “good apples” that are left. After the first month, these girls will find that they cannot help but smile whenever guys try to be funny.

Then, the transformation begins… you start seeing signs of make up on their faces. The head scarf becomes smaller (not bellow the chest). The abaya’s become tighter. After another month, the head scarf becomes loose and the silky (straightened) hair starts to show. All of this includes the smiles and giggles they have been sending towards the guys. Then, girls starts having that special someone in their lives that they talk to every night. Ohh, and yes, these are the girls that start with wearing clothes under their abayas and end up with undergarments under it only!

So here is the dating scene:

In a college, the girl and the boy look for a place that they “think” is invisible to everyone else. So, they might chose the library and go behind the book shelves. If the library is quite, you will be able to hear the giggles. Otherwise, that “invisible” place in not so… invisible. The guy might start touching the girl on her hand, then as the relationship advances, the more touching occurs. Then, all signs of compassion and love between the two appear in public. She leans on him, puts her arms around him.. etc. The difference is, it is not always love and compassion. Guys in this country like to brag about “how many” girls they have. They usually have more than one!

Then, as any relationship, things start to advance. Girls start attending college even when they don’t have classes (parents think they are studying very hard.. well.. they are working hard on something!). However, they are picked up from college by their guys. God knows where they go, but I’m guessing they just stay in the car and the guy gets some action. Once they are done, they guy drops the girl back at school...

Postscript: Co-incidentally there is a really great and detailed post today by Dhofari Gucci on the similar topic of Internet dating in Salalah. Check it out!


Of course in Oman we are still culturally some way away from where we could expect to get any info on premarital sex in Oman - we might all know its happening, but talking about it, or writing about it, still seems pretty impossible.

'Ask an Omani' - Ramadan eating in Oman

We've all seen the rice, ghee, biscuits, Vimto, and various sugar/High Fructose Corn Syrup products piled high in the supermarkets, ready for the food frenzy that is Ramadan. (Dhofari Gucci also had a great post about the Salalah Ramadan feasting experience and the outstanding leaning tower of Creme Caramel).

One of my contacts in the food distribution business here assures me they do 3 months worth of 'normal' business in just the one month of Ramadan. Urban legend has it that most Omanis actually gain weight during the month of 'fasting', but I have no idea if this is true... Occasionally there are even reports of deaths due to over-eating!

Our resident 'Ask an Omani' Omani Dreamer adds to the topic with this week's special edition: "What is the deal with Ramadan and all that eating?"

Food in a Typical Oman Ramadhan Day

Many people look at the extent of shopping that happens in Ramadhan and wonder.. What do these people eat!?

First, I will have to explain the regular food we eat in a regular month:

Here, in a typical Omani family house, the day starts out with a cup of milk and Omani bread. (Omani bread is very thin and you dip it in the milk before you eat it). The day goes on and people might drink coffee at work and housewives might eat some fruits. In the afternoon, the typical lunch is rice with meat and some salads.. (Don't forget the watermelon)! Then, people don't eat until its dinner, which consists of either some soup or a western/eastern dish. Whichever it is, it's just either one or two smaller dishes.

On Ramadhan, we fast, but in reality we eat more! Here is my average day in Ramadhan:

The day starts out with sohoor (breakfast before sunrise). Now, to get the maximum food in your stomach that would digest slowly you would have to eat rice and yogurt. Some people eat rice and meat! But which ever... it is a heavy meal -Of course its a bad idea to sleep right after that, but we need to reserve energy! - Then, we wake up late and go to work. Since we only work for about five to six hours a day -its actually less, remember we are tired and can't concentrate much- we get home early. At 2pm, I would go into the kitchen to help out with the cooking -actually, I'm usually hungry and want to make sure that what I'm in the mood for will be served! - Today I made some sweets (including crème caramel of course!!).



Creme caramel: Recommended Ramadan eating!

At the Iftaar table (sunset breakfast), the whole family would gather around the food and stare at the watch. We all want the guy in Oman tv to stop reciting the Quran and call for prayer! The food consists of samboosa, 3 kinds of pastries, about 3 or 4 kinds of sweets, dates, fruits, juice, water, more juice..etc. Once the Imam calls for prayer I start grabbing everything I see in front of me: drinking a bit of juice, then a samboosa, then a pastry, then some sweets.. all at once and before the call for prayer is over! Then, barely able to stand up, I go to pray with a full stomach.

After prayer, we gather at the table again. This time, more food starts to come out. We would have the soup of the day along with more samboosa and pastries. We eat more and more, till our bellies hurt. Then, we take some rest. The men go to prayer (its about 8:15pm by now), and us women clean and try not to eat more. Once everyone is back, we are back to serving dinner. It would be about 10:30 to 11pm. The regular lunch that would be served in a regular month would be served as dinner. So we eat more.. take some zantac or tums, and eat more. Stuffing more food in your stomach than what you can handle, but all you think about is how hungry you will be the next day if you don't!


Is the picture clear now?

Ramadan Mubarak! News. Belated 'Ask an Omani' on Polygamy

Yes, it's Ramadan (and luckily in line with Saudi and Iran too!). The office is always so beautifully quiet in the afternoons at this time, sometimes I wish it could be Ramadan all year...

For a local summary of Ramadan and what it means, I recommend Dhofari Gucci's post today.

We've also had our first 2 official H1N1 deaths, although (as pointed out by Muscat Mutterer) Dhofari Gucci reported 2 deaths some time ago as being due to H1N1, this was subsequently denied by the Ministry of Health as the young woman refered to by DG tested negative. So officially, only 2 deaths so far, and both people with existing heath issues. So keep washing hands, etc, etc.

Meanwhile:

Oman Air new plane almost ready
Oman Air are finally getting FAT [Factory acceptance testing] completed for their brand new Airbus A332 plane. Here's a pic of it in the air ripped from plane spotter central commandJet Photos. Presumably they will have already fixed the dicky airspeed system...


Photo: Oman Air's new A332 flys in the blue sky of France


Ministry of Tourism change tack in the battle for Capital Area Yacht Club
The MoT have apparently changed their mind about wanting to grab the beautiful bay currenly occupied by CAYC for yet another OMRAAN Integrated Tourism Development. Now the MoT are apparently saying they want it to be turned into a public beach, due to the high demand. Of course, that the high demand for public beaches may be related to the many public beaches already requisitioned by MoT in the first place.

A key driver for the continued MoT pressure seems to be the repeated attempts to shanghai the current CAYC members off to the next door Marina Al Bandar, and thus boost the marina's profitability... But I must be mistaken: how could there be a connection between the actions of public officals at the Ministry of Tourism and the profitability of the Marina?


Blue City takeover attempt
No updates on the attempt - supposedly by investment brokers in the UAE - to buy the Blue City bonds at a hefty discount, so we must assume they were not successful in getting control, at least not yet.


Belated "Ask an Omani" - Polygamy
I also neglected to post the latest in our "Ask an Omani" segment on time last week, so here it is (although, I know, she already posted it on her own website ages ago). Remember, if you have any questions, email me here at Muscat Condifential.

My Second Wife… NEXT!

The Qur’an states that a man can marry up to four wives. There are many restrictions and conditions for polygamy in Islam. However, here I will talk about polygamy that has been taken out of its religious context into –my favorite of all – the cultural context. Yes, there is a difference.

Polygamy in Oman is, well, acceptable by most men and rejected by most women. You might find the practice common to some families and rejected by others. Personally, I would love it if it were illegal. But –and that’s a big but – you cannot ask to change God’s laws. So, how do we women manage to work around that? Well, women really don’t, or better.. they can’t other than ask for divorce. So, let me tell you what happens in this culture.

Many men, here, believe that it is their religious right to marry more than one despite their wives feelings. What some do –many of them- is marry a second wife in secret. The whole thing goes on for months or even years. Some men dare to take money from their first wives to pay the expenses to marry the second one. Build a new house under their names, dowry, wedding expenses.. etc. Once the scandal is out, the woman either tries to divorce the husband or lives with him for her kids’ sake.

Why do men marry more than one? Well… because they want to. Some of the excuses that you might hear is… “There are too many unmarried women in the country and we just want to do a good deed”, or “I felt sorry for the girl, she was unmarried”, or “just because –the only honest one”. So, how do first wives feel…. Hurt, stabbed in the back, regret, and all other emotions that go in your head once you find out that someone cheated on you!

'Ask an Omani': What's with all the black abayas lately?

Here's another installment from our resident Omani in the new 'Ask an Omani' feature here at Muscat Confidential. This time a question about the increase in the number of women wearing Abayas.

Dear Omani: I’ve seen photos of Muscat from 15-20 years ago, and most of the local women are wearing nice, colourful western-style clothes. Now its all black abayas. What happened?


Photo: Covertress blog.

Abaya’s in Oman

Alright, the image everyone has about the Middle East and mainly the Gulf area is that an Abaya is very essential and women HAVE to wear it. Then, they open one of those “Before & After 1970” books for Oman and realize that women in those pictures are not wearing black. Shocked and confused, they start wondering… “Black? Why? They used to look very beautiful in those colorful clothes?

Well, let me give you the whole story.

A very long long time ago (25 yrs ago), Oman started to open up to other countries. Television came along and people started seeing all the good civilization stuff. People started seeing that Women in Saudi Arabia and Iran wear black, “not sure which started it first”. As anything else that seemed new and “cool”, women started importing Abayas. I remember when I was 16, my first Abaya was from Bahrain. It was cool and hip. Now, of course people would tell you that the main reason in wearing black is because it does not attract attention from guys – as usual, its about guys. Of course that is not the case anymore. Now, black attracts more attention than any other color since it symbolizes a human being with female parts…

So, what is an Abaya in the 21st century?

Well, there are two types of Abayas. Some that are for conservative women that truly believe in it, and others (majority) that view it as fashion. Every season we have a new design, the main purpose is to look elegant and “very” attractive.

Many women hate it, but wear it because it is so very convenient. As far as people are concerned, you can look very elegant no matter what you are wearing inside. Even if it was your pajamas or just your underwear!

Omani Dreamer.

Hmmm. Fair enough Dreamer, thanks! (By the way readers, you can find Dreamer's excellent cultural blog "Reality in Oman" here.)

I can't help but think its a bit more insidious than just an imported fashion trend though. I know Omani women who used to wear Western Clothes at work here in the Sultanate (and this is in the past few years) being threatened if they don't stop and wear an Abaya. And this was not just during Ramadan.

Personally I've always found abaya's to be pretty sexy, thanks to the stories of expensive french lingerie hiding just beneath the steer black of the abaya (and confirmed by Dreamer I note) and the occasional flash of ankle... But maybe that's just me.

Any reader comments?

Ask an Omani! Women and Queue jumping

OK readers. Here's our first installment in our new series: "Ask an Omani".

Please feel free to comment and add to the views, or email another burning cultural question to undercover(dot)dragon(at)gmail(dot)com.

Why do Omani women get to push to the front of a queue?

During your stay at Oman, there would be some unusual scenes that raise many questions. One of those scenes is Omani women pushing to the front of a queue. Many foreigners who are used to “first come first serve” are astonished and sometimes offended (depends on how many times it happens to them). Since I am a woman, I must say… I don’t complain. It is convenient after all… However, you will find these days that women started thinking that this is their birth right. Sometimes they even start pushing in front of other girls “never happy with it”.

I’m not sure when this phenomenon began, but you mainly see it in groceries and banks. These places are usually crowded and mixed. The act of women standing in a queue between men hovering behind their backs and sometimes hearing them inhaling and exhaling, and being pushed slowly to almost touching the one in front of you is very uncomfortable. Because many Omanis respect their women – holds some truth to it – they started offering women to go in front. (Of course there are the few men that do this on purpose to check women out…)

Others would hope other men do the same to their sisters and mothers.

All I can say is if I need something done at the attestation office in Shatti, I send Ms Dragon while I wait outside. She gets to go to the front of the queue and I avoid 2 hours of a scrum to get to the counter...