Saturday, October 18, 2008

More from the land of freedom of speech

Just a light hearted post on how fantastic it is what freedom of speech can achieve in the USA. Can you imagine this happening in the Middle East ever?

First this YouTube parody criticising Sarah Palin is great. Muscati linked to another blog showing it too, but I couldn't resist putting it here 'cos its just so god-damn funny.

Then there's a nice piece from the classic satirical magazine The Onion. We need more of this style of reporting here in Oman.
Bush Calls For PanicOctober 15, 2008 | Issue 44•42

WASHINGTON—In a nationally televised address to the American people Wednesday night, President Bush called upon every man, woman, and child to spiral uncontrollably downward into complete and utter panic.

President Bush addresses the nation shortly before shaving his head and soaking the Oval Office in his own urine. Speaking from the Oval Office, Bush assured citizens that in these times of great uncertainty, the best and only course of action is to come under the throes of a sudden, overwhelming fear marked by hysterical or irrational behavior.

"My fellow Americans, the time for running aimlessly through streets while shrieking and waving our arms above our heads is now," Bush said. "I understand that many of you are worried about your economic future and our situation overseas, and you have every right to be. Yet there is only one thing we as a nation can do in times like these: give up all hope and devolve into a lawless, post-apocalyptic, every-man-for-himself society."

"For those of you who have remained resolute in your belief that things will turn around eventually, I urge you to close your eyes, take shallow rapid breaths, and begin freaking out immediately," Bush added. "At this point, anyone who isn't scared to death needs to wake the fuck up—because we're screwed here."

The president then picked up the telephone from his desk and hurled it through the Oval Office window.

During the address, Bush laid out a historic five-point plan for panic that he hopes will help the American people fall apart as quickly as possible. The plan—which many are calling Bush's most well-thought-out proposal to date—calls for citizens to abandon their daily routines entirely, and engage in a weeklong period of bloodcurdling screaming, arm flailing, dry heaving, and gnawing on one's fingers while rocking back and forth in alternating bouts of maniacal laughter and gentle sobbing.

Under the new bill, Americans are also advised to withdraw all their money from U.S. banks and the stock market, place it in a Maxwell House coffee tin, and bury it in a safe place in their backyard. In addition, Bush has urged the legalization of Americans trampling one another in a mad rush to compete for the nation's dwindling resources, and proposed allocating $3 billion toward a program that would give every citizen a gun and a bottle of 140-proof whiskey.

The final part of the plan calls for the immediate release of all convicted felons and death-row inmates from the nation's prisons.

Immediately after Congress approves his plan, the president said he will order multiple B-2 stealth bombers to fly over America's cities at low altitude. The resulting sonic boom, Bush said, will set off all car alarms and cause all babies to cry uncontrollably, which he believes will promote a real sense of chaos throughout the nation. In addition, Bush intends to release 50 live cobras into the Senate chamber.

"I realize this is a difficult vote for members of Congress, but at this critical time in our nation's history, it is imperative that we not sit back and pretend like everything is fine, because everything's not fine, it's just not," Bush said. "Even if Congress fails to act, I still intend to do what is right and lead this country into mass hysteria by acting outside the framework of the U.S. Constitution, overriding the entire democratic process, and setting the Lincoln Memorial on fire."

Early reactions on Capitol Hill to Bush's call for panic have thus far been positive. Leading House Republicans and Democrats said they appreciate the president's candor, and will encourage their constituents to comply with Bush's request to "find something and smash it with all of their strength."

"For most of the day tomorrow, I intend to do my part by remaining in my boarded-up home and getting worked up about our standing in the world," Pacoima, CA resident Harold Miller said. "And then at night, I plan to lie awake in my bed and be scared to death about the loss of my job, pension, and retirement fund. Then I plan to run out into the streets in my bathrobe and shout that the End of Days is coming."

Bush told Americans that if at any point they catch themselves feeling even slightly at ease, they should remind themselves that, in the end, everything is going to be completely fucked.

Simply brilliant.


  1. I'm glad we don't have such "freedom of speech" in the Middle East.

    This is nothing but absurdity.

  2. Absolutely brilliant!! I love it, I would so love to see that sort of writing in this part of the world, there is so much to talk about!!!!!

  3. ha! I remember 4 years ago tonnes of Americans saying if Bush got re-elected they would move to Canada... It's such a wierd relationship Canada has with the US.

  4. Amjad,
    IMHO that is EXACTLY why you, and indeed the whole fucking world, needs more real free speech. Humour and satire are the foundation of the human spirit. And the only effective defense against dictotorial political powers.
    But perhaps a statement easily made from the comfort of Texas.

    Its your country man. Are you voting?

    Doesn't it piss you off just a teeny bit that it only takes 1 ignorant bible bashing nutcase to offset your vote? Thats a bit drawback to this whole democracy craziness.

    Anon idiot 2
    see comments on next post.

    And stop being an idiot. The actual comment wasn't that bad.

    Many did move to Canada I think.

    And you know, Canada is a big reason why the USA is surrounded by Foreign Countries. I'm sure Sarah Palin agrees with that.

  5. I'm just sick of these so-called political satires...

  6. I'm voting. It does piss me off in a way, but I'd rather have the choice. Greek philosophers and others throughout history have recognized that the best means of government is probably not democracy. Ideally, one enlightened person or a small group of enlightened persons could best guide the community and look out for the public good, avoiding the tyranny of the majority and paralysis of consensus. But history has also shown that almost everyone who thought they should own the mantle of the enlightened leader either started as or turned out to be a psycho, or one of their successors did. So, as Churchill said, democracy is the worst form of government save for all the others.

    That being said, democracy becomes especially dangerous when politicians and pundits are irresponsible with the facts and people's emotions and play on fears in uncertain times to win support at the expense of the greater good. Populism is a very dangerous thing, especially when it is coupled with or panders to ignorance. In Palin's case, I think she is ignorant and she panders to ignorance.

    This comes from someone who is not an ideologue for either side of the spectrum. I fall in the middle, agreeing with portions of each party's platform and disagreeing with both party's stance on some issues. It strikes me as tragic that our politicians and their advisors thought that it would be a good idea to put one of the most vapid females in politics up as the vice president to the man who would be the oldest president elected to a first term, and one whose previous harships cannot bode well for his longevity.

  7. I personally think the best think to come out of the actual election process and build up is the comedy gold mine it has provided. Hail free speech and a sense of humor. Wait Amjad a few more seasons in Texas and you'll learn to appreciate it.

  8. Kay: If I was in another state, maybe. But not Texas.

    Texans in general are VERY conservative and they don't appreciate these so-called political satires (=

  9. Amjad,
    Don't be fooled. Think about why they might be "above" such "so-called" (don't use that loaded term) satires. Maybe because good old W. is the butt of many jokes and it makes them look bad and now Palin, who is not Texan but would fit right in down there, is national target number two for satire. I have a lot of respect for the hard-working, conservative, outdoors image that Palin (or the campaign) tries to play on, just not in her as a VP candidate. Whenever people try to act as if they are above a joke, it is usually because the joke hits a little too close to home. Which makes me wonder why you're so sensitive about it? The whole political process in America is theater these days, which in my mind opens candidates up to such ribbing. You can't take things so seriously because you have to realize just how much of the drama is fabricated by groups of overly intelligent people trying to use science, polling, and deception to have their way with the American people. I don't say that to be paranoid, but the truth is that the contest has progressed to a stage where winning votes has gone far beyond simply putting forth an attractive platform of policy positions. And that is why people satire it.

  10. is she wearing dentures? they cant sing to save their lives way too nasal..witty but not quite the daily show


If you wish to post anonymously, please pick a nickname by selecting the Name/URL option, or at least sign off your comment with one! I will delete comments I find objectionable or needlessly inflammatory. Sorry for the word verification.... OMG the spam has gotten BAD these past 12 months... trying to avoid making one log in...